英语小笑话

共140个
  • Compliment 恭维话日期:2015-11-26

    Compliment Larry! Come here! said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, Ive just had a call from Mrs. Harriso

  • How to Become Rich Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you dont give me a nickel Ill tell my father.

  • 小白兔买面包日期:2015-11-26

    One day a little white rabbit went to a bakery and asked, Have you got 100 buns? The shopkeeper answered, Sorry, we don

  • Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two! 中

  • Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get? Tommy: Quarters. Teacher: And then

  • Excited Remarks 激动的话日期:2014-07-20

    Excited Remarks Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! Im going to have one of those someday, h

  • The smart Old Lady An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the sh

  • Tom's excuse 汤姆的借口日期:2015-11-26

    TOMS EXCUSE Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,School-G

  • This house, said the real-estate salesman, has both its good points and bad points. To show you Im honest, Im goint to tell you about the disadvantage - there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north. 这幢房

  • If you are alone, Ill be your shadow. If you want to cry, Ill be your shoulder. If you want a hug, Ill be your pillow. If you need to be happy, Ill be your smile. If you need money... wait for your salary. 如果你感到孤独,我做你的

  • A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand. 一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。 I cant hear out of my left ear, the man

  • Sharing the Apples 分苹果日期:2014-07-20

    Sharing the Apples Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said. So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one. Cor! said his sister, I

  • A teacher said to her class: Who was the first man? George Washington,a little boy shouted promptly. How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?asked the teacher,smiling indulgently. Because,said the little

  • Psychiatrist 精神病医生日期:2014-07-20

    Jerry went to a psychiatrist. Doc, he said, Ive got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Im going crazy! Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come to me three times a week, and Ill cu

  • A little old lady goes to the doctor ... and says, Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesnt really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, Ive farted at least 20 times since Ive been here

  • A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Ni

  • A Fine Match 势均力敌日期:2014-07-20

    One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, Put some cheese in it an

  • Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected? 孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗? No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to

  • An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks,Whats your problem, Sol dier? Chronic syphilis,Sir!What treatment are you get ting? Five minutes with the wire brush each day,Sir! Whats your ambition? To get back to t

  • Perfect Match 绝配日期:2014-07-20

    A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman. Eventually

  • Girl:When we get married,I want to share all your worries,troubles and lighten your burden. Boy:Its very kind of you,darling.But I dont have any worries or troubles. Girl:Well thats because we arent married yet. 女孩:我们结婚后,我

  • A lorry carrying 10 tonnes of cheese was transformed into a giant mobile fondue by a fire. Firefighters in west Wales fought the major blaze for 90 minutes as the mountain of cheese dripped on to the main road. The incident happened on the

  • Perhaps Not Customer: Waiter, I cant find any oysters in this oyster stew. Waiter: Well, you wouldnt expect to find any angels in an angel food cake, would you? 或许没有 顾客: 服务员,我这个牡蛎炖菜里怎么没有牡蛎? 服务

  • One day, the father let eight year-old son send a letter, the son already took the letter to run, the father only then remembered on the envelope not to write the address and addressees name. After the son comes back, the father asks him: y

  • Two tomato go shopping, a tomato suddenly walk fast, the second tomato ask: where shall we go? A tomato has no answer, two tomato asked again. A tomato has no answer, so two tomato asked again. A tomato finally turned slowly, said: we are n

  • Coffee cup and cup together across the road, this time, one will shout caution: grandpa, now is red. But after a while, coffee cup smooth across the road, but the water has been trucks bump into water, excuse me, why? Because coffee cup, no

  • Compare-test 比试日期:2014-07-20

    Three swordsman, their respective boasted, fencing, each defy spirit decided to have a competition, in fencing flies as fencing goals. First, the fly sword play swordsman, except for two flies split, all chorus. The second stage, but saw bl

  • Fine 罚款日期:2014-07-20

    There was a car on the road, and suddenly caught driving normal traffic stopped, open a ticket. The driver didnt understand why ask: fine. P: you dont obey traffic command, so fine. Driver: you call me stop I stopped, did not obey traffic c

  • Little Old Lady 小老太太日期:2014-07-20

    A young man was walking through a super market to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him. Pardon me, she said. Im sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. Its just that you look just like my son, w

  • This weekend, o son of a thousand Buddha caves . visit Curiously, the son can blink run no shadow. ANiu worried, very not easy to find pleasure in a behind the son. O son of scaring way: here, dont run demons. Son clap and smiled: I am not

  • Falling Down A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country. There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it! Oh, my God! says his

  • Is that you Jack? How did you stop your husband staying late at the club? When he came in late I called out is that you Jack? and my husbands name is Robert. 是你吗?捷克 你是怎么防止你的丈夫不会在俱乐部呆的太晚?

  • Wife: Dear, you looked quite drunk last night and you kept repeating the same thing at the table. Husband: Really? Then dont believe anything said by a drunken person. By the way , what did I say to you? Wife: I love you, dear. 妻子:亲爱

  • If I sold my house and my car,had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor,would I get into heaven?I asked the children in my Sunday school class. No!the children all answered. If I cleaned the church everyday,mowed the

  • On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves whole heartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home. As we drove away, our son waved and said, Good

  • Flowers need water, said the teacher. Water your flowers every day, or theyll die. One morning Mother saw Marry out in the garden and asked, What are you doing there, Marry? Watering flowers, said Marry. But it is raining now! Oh, it doesnt

  • An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks,Whats your problem, Sol dier? Chronic syphilis,Sir! What treatment are you get ting? Five minutes with the wire brush each day,Sir! Whats your ambition? To ge

  • criticize 批评日期:2014-07-17

    English: One American came to Russia to have a look and visit. And there he saw all the secret police, and the people were scared and didnt smile. (That was before; I dont know how it is now.) So the American said, Whats wrong? He said to h

  • Kid and Wolf 狼和小孩日期:2014-07-17

    Kid and wolf A Kid was perched up on the top of a horse, and looking down saw a Wolf passing under him. Immediately he began to revile and attack his enemy. Murderer and thief, he cried what do you here near honest folks, horses? How dare y

  • ENGLISH: Who Is Talking An army general telephoned to his unit in another place wanting to speak to someone. He said, Hello! There was a soldier, playing like a sergeant or something, at the other end of the line. He didnt recognize the voi